When people break up with you as frequently as they do me, you develop a remarkable ability to bounce back and jump into “let it happen all over again.”

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-3-06-26-pm

There are tons of different ways to deal with a break-up. This time, I dealt with mine using memes and exercise. It was surprisingly effective.

I read all the funny relationship memes on the entire internet and sent them to my girlfriend who knew about the break up (shout out to Kellie). Like fifty a day. I believe you can laugh off any of your misfortunes, and trust me, I would know.

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-3-07-57-pm

I find that it also helps to be as active as possible, whenever possible, in order to avoid having a total mental breakdown.

So in  an effort to keep from bursting into tears due to my fresh break-up, I started running around the entire town until I was too exhausted to think or move or talk and could only shower and collapse into deep dreamless sleep.

Screen Shot 2016-11-18 at 3.09.54 PM.png

This also means riding bicycles everywhere, like from home to my office, dressed in heels and a pencil skirt. Or, one of my new favorites, getting stuck in the riverside park and accidentally biking 40k. Talk about Pan’s Labyrinth.

No time for pity parties here though, boo.

I had done a little retail therapy during my peak time of crisis and was cycling home. Now I had a lot of stuff with me, but no big deal, right? I mean, I had biked home from the flower market a month ago with a tree in the basket blocking my view. If I could make it home safely with that, then I figured I would have no problems with a few shopping bags.

giphy

I placed my purse and umbrella in the basket and had my shopping bags hanging on the handle bars. Everything was balanced nicely and I foresaw no potential problems, except maybe my umbrella could get hooked on some things as it was protruding out quite a bit. No worries though, I only struck like seven people with it on my way. And to be fair, they all slightly deserved it for being in my way in the first place. Helloooo I’m cycling here!

I made it halfway home with relative ease until I hit a treacherous stretch of sidewalk, slanted at 45-degree angle. It’s a major Taiwanese street, but also residential. On one side you’ve got someone’s doorstep and the other side you’ve got a bunch of foliage in pots.

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-3-11-36-pm

A hill, a doorstep and some pots. No problem, I can handle this.

I was holding back tears chanting “No. No. NO”, “you can do this”, “No. No. NO”, “you can do this” over and over like a crazy person. Unexpectedly, my umbrella flipped from my basket and got caught in the spokes of my wheel, which stopped the tire dead in its tracks and caused me to literally flip over my handlebars. I’m lying on the sidewalk with the contents of my bag strewn about me in complete and utter shock.

Screen Shot 2016-11-18 at 3.13.13 PM.png

Ok no problem, I can handle this.

I put my bike on the kickstand and stuff everything back into the shopping bags. I dust myself off and pick up the bags, only to have one of the handles of the bag containing 1928012985 bottles of nail polish rip open and send things flying everywhere for the second time.

Screen Shot 2016-11-18 at 3.14.48 PM.png

Ok no problem, I can handle this.

I gather up my items for the second time and place the bags into the basket. My bike is wobbling like a newborn calf on its kickstand and on the poorly paved 45-degree angle sidewalk.

I keep piling things in the basket and turn to see if I left anything behind, when suddenly my bike tips over and crashes into someone’s front door. Again, there go the 438753275930 bottles of nail polish.

I start thinking that maybe it’s a sign. Maybe I wasn’t meant to have beautifully manicured nails. I thought about saying “screw it” and leaving them, but what else was I to do with all my single alone time???

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-3-17-31-pm

Ok no problem, I can handle this.

Once again, I get my stuff together. Everything is in the basket and I’m ready to go. Finally. Thank God.

In a valiant effort, I give myself a push and plop down on the seat. Just get me home already! But apparently the seat height adjuster had been loosened from all the accidents, and as I sat down it slammed straight onto the frame, and I landed smack on my ass which then caused me to lose my balance and crash into a pot.

And again, there I am, lying on the ground with my stuff everywhere.

b33d14dd-bc21-461d-8ba5-779ed29314ba.jpg

Ok not 100% sure I can handle this anymore.

The whole time there were three guys chilling outside a mechanic shop staring at me, pointing and laughing. By now they were in hysterics. I mean I know everyone needs a good belly laugh every now and then, but I on the other hand, did not have a great sense of humor about this.

3165bdc4-1083-4f04-8751-4a4d881467d5.jpg

Out of frustration, I kicked my bike which then slid down the incline against someone’s house and I just sat in their flower pots and cried for a little bit.

But not for long because I was blocking the path and no one could get by me, my bike, and my 68945230812300 bottles of nail polish. It was time to pull it together and cycle home.

Turns out, the 5th time is a charm.

screen-shot-2016-11-18-at-3-20-12-pm


I love to hear your funny dating stories!! Share them with me in the comments!!

If you liked this post, like/shares are very much appreciated!!!

Never miss another one of my crazy dating stories, subscribe!