It’s no secret that I love riding bikes. I love it. And although I am not very good at it, it hasn’t ever deterred me from riding anywhere and everywhere.

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Cycling home from work is one of my favorite activities, but it can also be pretty dangerous. For some reason, people don’t know how to walk on sidewalks properly. Nevertheless, biking is my jam. and I especially love running errands and putting items into my basket.

The other day, I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up some vitamins and came back out to my bike to arrange things in said basket. While I’m doing this, I notice a tiny, hunchbacked lady approaching with an Everest-sized mountain of trash in a cart.

She then parks her cart directly behind my bicycle. DIRECTLY BEHIND. Her foul-smelling cart was touching, my bicycle and blocking me in.

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I said “Excuse Me” in Mandarin about four times, and she just glared at me and went to the storefront to examine several bottles of shampoo, which cost well over 70usd a pop. Like lady, get real. I know you can’t afford that. I can’t afford that!

I shouted “EXCUSE ME!” in Mandarin one more time and she still pretended not to hear me. I know she did, however, because she kept glancing at me out of the corner of her eye and suppressing a smile.

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It was time to take matters into my own hands.

I climbed over the scooter next to me and decided to move her cart of garbage since she obviously wasn’t going to. But I wasn’t prepared for how heavy it was and the cart slipped from my grasp.

Suddenly, her trash mountain was rolling down the street until it hit a scooter, sending garbage flying. That scooter then fell over onto another which fell over onto another, creating domino scooters!

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Whoops.

Next thing I know, trash was everywhere and Quasimodo hobbled over to me, screaming and shaking her arms in the air. As I am discreetly trying to reassemble the neat line of scooters before anyone sees what happened, one of the scooter owners comes outside and catches me.

He began shouting at me too. I mean his vehicle is laying on the ground with garbage covering it, I can totally understand why he would be mad. If that woman had not blocked me in in the first place, then this never would have happened. Of course, my Mandarin wasn’t good enough to explain that to him…

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Anyway, the man rips his scooter from my hands and starts kicking trash around and speeds angrily away.

By now I am apologizing profusely to no one in particular and trying to help clean up the garbage on the street. All the while this elderly woman is caterwauling at me. Not shrieking from afar, though, she is right in my face. I got a good look at how many teeth she had left. Not many. And that breath? RIPE.

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Then, out of nowhere, she slaps my back HARD! I turned to look at her in bewilderment and threw my hands in the air, shouting “OH MY GOD!”. She then took it one step further, and slapped my arm!!! This was getting out of control.

I was about to go all MMA on her ass, but sometimes, you’ve got to know when to quit. And really, violence is never the answer. And also, always respect your elders. Some words of wisdom for you.

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So I got on my bike and furiously peddled away. Smell ya never, garbage lady!!!


Humor is the best medicine, and I would love to hear your funny stories in the comments!

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