I began online dating for a couple of reason which I explain here Dating is Tragic and Entertaining. This is a recountment of an unfortunate date with Charlie in Kuala Lumpur.

Let’s talk about Charlie.

Charlie was a hot expat from Italy. He had lots of sensual photos gazing off into the distance with smoldering half closed eyes. He “loves to party and have a good time”.

Some excerpts of our conversation on Tinder:

C: What kinds of projects have you worked on?

A: My most recent project was the FIFA World Cup Trophy Tour.

C: Wow I think I want to be your friend right away! You could be useful!

A: (disappointed face and eye rolling)

C: Any plans this weekend?

A: Meeting friends for drinks tomorrow, tonight I am not doing anything.

C: So what are you doing tonight?

A: I just told you.

C: (copies my message about meeting friends and pastes here) You wrote this…

A: Yes, meeting friends for drinks TOMORROW and TONIGHT I am not doing anything.

C: Ah ok your grammar is very bad so you confused me.

This kid basically told me he is using me for my connections and that he thinks I have poor grammar. Naturally, I accepted the date.

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Petaling Street, Kuala Lumpur, where we went on our date.

On my way to my date with Charlie, I received a message saying that he has to run to the shop so he wouldn’t have WIFI anymore.

Who doesn’t have the internet on their phone in this day and age, in ASIA where it’s super easy and cheap?

I immediately became suspicious of him.

It is impossible to transport yourself around Kuala Lumpur without any sort of navigational system as a foreigner, trust me.

I don’t know if he was marching through the city using a compass and map complete with a safari outfit, or if perhaps he hadn’t been in KL long enough to get a phone plan.

Wrong on both counts. He’d been there for 8 months. I knew things were never going to last, but I met him anyway.

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Petaling Street, Kuala Lumpur, packed with people, as per usual.

Charlie was 5’4″ (shorter than my 5’6″) and considerably less muscular than his photos.

He looked a lot less like the hunky Italian with an Olympic swimmer body, and a lot more like the half dead baby sparrow we rescued as a kid, named Ebenezer.

I don’t know if he is an expert photoshopper or whether he had endured a full body transplant. Hopefully, the latter, as it would have made him more interesting.

I also discovered that he was making smoldering eyes in his Tinder photos because he actually needs glasses. He wasn’t being sexy, he was trying to see.


Have you ever tried online dating?! What do you think? Have you got any funny stories?!

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